KILL THIS ROW OF HEDGES

Trimmed Bush

I was nursing a hangover on Saturday and came across the weirdest shit ever.

To me funk music has had a major impact on my life, regarding my aesthetic, my whole being, and yes I do believe music is spiritual. Listen to some old Gap Band, James Brown, Johnny Guitar Watson, Tower of Power, you get the score. That stuff will move you.

But now they are trying to fuse funk to ice skating? Leave it to some pussy band promoter to hook up with ice skaters from who the hell knows where and then let's get, uh.. Earth Wind and Fire ?

I mean, there is art in both of them(funk and ice skating), yet they are so removed, they are art forms not needing not to be meshed, that got meshed. They just don't mesh.

Funk is really nothing but "old school' for us hippies and dreads who dug all the groovy bass lines of Low Rider by War, and just about all early seventies Stevie Wonder.

Throw Dorothy Hamill and Katarina Witt into the bowl and what you have is a very awkward television special. Dorothy doing all her graceful moves while Maurice Williams on the end of the ice rink blowing his horn like a mo'fo'. I was glad to have a hangover due to the confusion that this was causing within the neutrinos of my innermost brainwaves.

Then came the explosion that caused me to gulp three more aspirin down my gullet. The President of this here United States of America says he can wiretap any damn citizen he fancies, and to add injury to insult, he said he needed no other permission from ANYONE to do so.

I'm not a constitutional lawyer, yet I know that this mo'fo' just TRAMPLED THE FUCK outta the Constitution and Bill of Rights. I feel it. It's so abusive that it's heartbreaking. Just as bothersome is it really didn't cause much of an uproar to the general public. Can a president really just randomly wiretap with no check so to balance that bit of awesome power?

Apparently it sure didn't take Bunnypants very long before he decided to trample on a law that was on the books that forbade this sort of behaviour. In 2002, with no one looking, he snapped his grubby little digits and issued a Secret Executive Order (it's sorta like "Double Secret Probation" in the movie Animal House ) to allow the NSA to eavesdrop without a warrant on any and all phone conversations, e-mail and other electronic communications without a warrant. For no reason at all, folks. Fuck the legality of the matter.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Sounds a little fascistic, but then it gets worse. It turns out the New York Times sat on this story for a very long time. Secret Executive Orders should immediately be reported by the press, right? That's like throwing the whole fucking Constitution, the Bill of Rights, wham, right out the window. Seems to me that's quite a story, yet they held on to it for over a year. So much for the Times.

Well, there's still the internet for news. It's pitiful only one medium has the truth within, but that's the way cookies crumble when people vote into office ex-cheerleader frat boys with old coke spoons that used to drive their cars right into rows of hedges. I'm sure Bush thought at that point, sitting there drunk in his wrecked car: "This hedge should not have been here. I say so! DADDY!!!!!!!!!! Uncle Dick!!!! Get me outta jail then Kill These Hedges!!!!!!!"